TD GARDEN, BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS

Welcome everyone to the night where all the titles are on the line. Commentary tonight brought to you by Michael Cole who brings us a Lawler update, where he tells us that The King is on the mend after his heart attack on last week’s Monday Night Raw. He’s joined by JBL for tonight, a more than able co-commentator for Cole, I’m sure you’ll agree. John appears to have forgotten his big car, however. Shame. Already tonight on the pre-show we’ve seen Zack Ryder win a battle royal for a chance at the United States championship later on tonight – he beat legends like Michael McGillicutty (is he still on the roster??), Darren Young, Jinder Mahal and the deadly Heath Slater, so he must be worth a crack at it.

FATAL FOUR WAY WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: REY MYSTERIO VS. CODY RHODES VS. SIN CARA VS. THE MIZ (CHAMPION)
The Miz comes down to the ring first, and has a general whinge about having to face off against three other people in the same match. It’s a long way from when he was defending the WWE championship though, isn’t it? Rey Mysterio’s music cuts him off, which is tremendously bad sportsmanship I felt. There seems to be a pink theme going on tonight, which I understand is for breast cancer, which is always a fair cause. Well, this could be the first title Sin Cara gets his mitts on, if he’s lucky. Surprising he’s never won a belt during his time in the WWE yet…you have to think if we still had the cruiserweight or light heavyweight belt he might have been given a run with that. We kick off with Rhodes and Sin Cara and Miz and Mysterio facing off, before Miz and Rhodes get hit with a big cross body block off the ropes. Cara and Mysterio seem to be working well as a team so far, but that shouldn’t last too much longer. True enough, Miz and Rhodes team up on the Mexican. Nice reversal moves from Sin Cara, and he manages to fight back, landing a top rope arm drag on Miz, before Mysterio sends Rhodes out the ring. Sin Cara and Mysterio face each other, and Mysterio is sent nearly out the ring with a nice hurricanrana. Sin Cara has a torture rack style move reversed, which allowed Rhodes and Miz back into the match. Rhodes hits an inverted suplex on Sin Cara, and a cover attempt by Rhodes is swiftly broken up by Miz. Rhodes and Miz now unleash on each other, with Rhodes attempting the Disaster Kick, misses, then gets launched out the ring over the top rope. Sin Cara gets a close fall on Mysterio, and we’re left with a three-way situation as Rhodes remains on the outside. Nice double kicks from Mysterio and Sin Cara on The Miz, before Mysterio and Sin Cara go at it. Sin Cara is driven into the turnbuckle by Mysterio, who signals for a top rope move. Lovely enziguri kick from the Mexican takes Mysterio out, and as he goes for a superplex, Rhodes nails Sin Cara with the Disaster Kick, but can’t get the three count. Rhodes kicks Sin Cara out the ring, but can’t land the superplex himself. Miz tries covering Rhodes, then Mysterio, but both opponents kick out. Miz does some cleaning up, shunting Sin Cara and Rhodes out the way, before going on the offensive with Mysterio, choking him on the ropes. Mysterio gamely fights back, but is levelled by the champ for a close two-count. I love the way JBL is referring to The Miz as ‘a Kardashian brother reality-goof’ – classic. Sin Cara dropkicks Miz out the ring before delivering a body splash through the ropes. Meanwhile, Rhodes is sent flying into the barricade by Mysterio, then gets taken out again. In the ring, Sin Cara flips over the ropes and gets a two-count on the champion. Miz is left stranded on the ropes as he’s nailed by a dropkick to the back from Mysterio, and he gets a two-count before Rhodes breaks up the pin. Rhodes reverses an athletic move from Mysterio and another two-count is all he can get. Sin Cara is next for Rhodes’ attentions, flipping out of a grapple before he’s thrown into the turnbuckle. Mysterio somehow manages to recover and try a 619 on both Rhodes and Miz. Rhodes pulls Mysterio out of the ring and covers Miz himself, but again there’s no win. Rhodes angrily beats down Sin Cara, and tries to tug his mask off. He doesn’t see Mysterio though coming off the top rope, but recovers enough to fling him out the ring. Sin Cara grounds Rhodes with a kick to the head, and removes a replica mask of his from his tights. Ewww, all sweaty. As Sin Cara is trying to put the mask on Rhodes, the champion races in and lands a big neckbreaker, but a two-count is all he can get. Miz tries for a powerbomb on Sin Cara (and Sin Cara actually manages to slip his replica mask onto the champ) but he’s flipped into the turnbuckle. In the confusion, Rhodes gets caught with a Skull Crushing Finale and picks up the win to retain the championship!
WINNER BY PINFALL: THE MIZ (TITLE RETAINED)

Hmm, backstage we get The Prime Time Players jigging about and hollering everywhere, until Eve trots off along the corridor and finds Kaitlyn lying on the floor clutching her leg. Eve vows to find a replacement diva to take her place in the title match later, so that’ll be interesting. Cole and JBL give us a run-up to the bizarre teaming of Kane and Daniel Bryan, and how it all resulted from their anger management issues (and Bryan’s goat-face). I loved that in-ring hug they had – I also hope they BATTER Kofi and R-Truth, perhaps the most pointless tag champions ever, who are actually defending the titles for the first time in about seventeen years. I can’t see them making their ring entrance together, mind…you can’t really see this pairing working for long can you? Despite the storyline, Kane never really has great relations with tag team partners.

WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: KANE & DANIEL BRYAN VS. R-TRUTH & KOFI KINGSTON (CHAMPIONS)
Christ, Daniel Bryan’s beard is getting bigger than him. Kane and Bryan argue over who will start the match, and its Kane and Kofi. Kofi takes the early advantage, quickly tagging in Truth who gets caught by Kane, only for Kofi to dropkick them both down. Kane tags in Bryan rather roughly, who delivers some big kicks to Truth’s chest. Truth tries to fight back into the match, and manages to take Bryan down with an arm drag. Kofi hits a big cross body block, but Bryan kicks out. Bryan is ten hit with a double hip toss, before Truth lands a theatrical leg-drop, but can only get a one count. Bryan kicks Kofi as he comes off the ropes, and Kane tags himself in, flooring Truth with glee. Kane works on him in the corner, and tags Bryan in with a double axe handle off the turnbuckles. Some more kicks to the chest follow, before a high velocity dropkick gets him a two-count. There’s actually some nice double team moves coming from Kane and Bryan now, and Kane then slaps a submission hold on Truth, who retreats as far as Kane’s corner, only for Kane to whip Bryan in for a body splash, and Truth moves out the way. There’s some bickering from the unlikely pair, with shoves being exchanged, before Bryan pushes Kane in the face and then instantly backs off. He looks to have bloodied Kane’s nose in fact, which is perhaps not the best move. Bryan seems to be asking Kane to come and hug him, which he does, and then it’s back to business. Truth tries to scoot across the ring and tag in Kofi, and manages to, cue a huge leap off the ropes as he takes Bryan to the cleaners. Fired up, Kofi lands the Boom Drop, but as he tries for Trouble In Paradise, Kane yanks Bryan out the ring to save him. Kofi hits Kane with a baseball slide instead, then lands a somersault on Bryan and throws him back in the ring. Kofi tries a cross body off the ropes, but Bryan catches him in the Yes/No Lock, which Truth quickly breaks up. Bryan hits a dropkick on Kofi in the corner, and Kane then tags himself in to hit a top rope clothesline. Kofi is up though, and tries a hurricanrana, but looks to botch it. Bryan, irritated at Kane, shoves him off the top rope where the big man lands on Kofi and pins him for the win, and a very unlikely new tag team champion pairing!
WINNERS BY PINFALL: KANE & DANIEL BRYAN (NEW CHAMPIONS)

Well, even as champions, both men are arguing over who is the ‘real’ champion and got the win for the team. Both men have a screaming match over this in the middle of the ring, growling at each other, but there doesn’t appear to be any hugs from either man this time. Backstage, Booker T and Teddy Long are discussing the match, but Eve has to come in and ruin it by telling them that Kaitlyn has been injured and can’t compete. In a move I *never* saw coming, Booker sticks Eve into the title match later on. We get a charity announcement on the breast cancer thing going on tonight, which must be the first time I’ve heard JBL talk about that.

WWE UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: ZACK RYDER VS. ANTONIO CESARO (W/ AKSANA) (CHAMPION)
Here’s Antonio, with his knee-pads-that-aren’t-quite-knee-pads. He gives us the word ‘unfair’ in five different languages – it’s OK Antonio, you’re against bloody Zack Ryder, it shouldn’t be too difficult. We get a recap on how Ryder won the title chance earlier, unfeasibly dumping Tensai out last to take the win. Are they now jobbing Tensai out to the likes of Ryder? Cesaro shows his dominance early on, goading Ryder by going on about how pants he is. The man speaks the truth. Ryder gets a couple of moves together for a two-count, before Cesaro hangs Ryder on the ropes before applying a chin lock and wearing down his opponent. Again Ryder tries a comeback, but is levelled with a nasty clothesline JBL would be proud of, and another two-count follows. Cesaro again chokes Ryder on the ropes, before stomping on his chest. Cesaro nearly beheads Ryder again as he throws him into the ropes, chucks him up in the air and delivers a horrid European uppercut which I’m surprised he doesn’t get a win out of. Ryder fights back with a face buster, and then a clothesline to the champion. He tries a roll up on the champ, but can only get a two count. Ryder lands a dropkick off the middle turnbuckle, but it’s not enough. Cesaro rams Ryder’s head into the turnbuckle, but Ryder catches him. The challenger lands a top rope hurricanrana, and looks to set up for the Broski Boot. Aksana pulls the champion out the ring however, and when he manages to get back in, Cesaro slaps on his Neutraliser finisher and pins Ryder for the win.
WINNER BY PINFALL: ANTONIO CESARO (TITLE RETAINED)

Alberto Del Rio is backstage with David Otunga (wearing a neck brace) and Ricardo Rodriguez, who Alberto tells off for not having his neck brace on. Poor Ricardo. Reluctantly, he puts it on, but doesn’t seem totally happy.

DOLPH ZIGGLER (W/ VICKIE GUERRERO) VS. RANDY ORTON
You might like to know the PPV is brought to us tonight by Dredd 3D – “judgement is coming”, as Cole ominously tells us. Not quite sure why Orton is in this match with Ziggler except that they get on each other’s wicks a bit. They could have bigged it up and made the match for Ziggler’s Money In The Bank case – that might have given it a bit of context – if Orton won, he could have cashed in on Sheamus later. But no, it’s just a bog standard match. Ziggler is in true show-off form, but Orton takes great pride in establishing his dominance – even doing a move I’ve not seen for ages, since Ric Flair was in the ring: raking the bootlaces across your opponent’s eyes! Old school! Ziggler is back on the attack though, driving Orton into the corner, before both men land blows on each other and Ziggler ends the exchange with a neckbreaker and a one-count. Orton reverses a suplex and hangs Ziggler on the ropes before hitting a suplex of his own – nice move! Ziggler retreats out the ring after a snap power-slam from the Viper, and as Orton goes for the DDT off the ropes, Ziggler attempts a cheeky roll up pin, but can’t get it. Orton hoists Ziggler onto the turnbuckle and hammers him with punches, but Ziggler tries to fight back. He knocks Orton down, and hits an enormous missile dropkick which he can only get a two-count from the resulting cover. Ziggler hurls himself over the top rope to hang Orton’s neck across the rope, then tries another pin but can’t get the win. Ziggler lands several elbow drops to Orton’s chest, then slaps on a headlock for a while. Orton is back to his feet though, and plants Ziggler with a backdrop to release the hold. Ziggler strikes back first, grounding Orton with a flying forearm, but they are both tired. A standing dropkick from Orton gets him some advantage, but they seem to be running on empty right now. JBL makes a good point by saying he’d like to win just so Vickie Guerrero doesn’t shout at him! Ziggler is on the top rope, but Orton surprises him and leaves him prone on the ropes, landing some big blows. Orton lands a superplex on the Show Off, but can only get a two-count. Both guys now are landing quickfire blows, but Orton hits a series of clotheslines, before Ziggler hits a flying legdrop, but a two count is all he can get again. Ziggler goes for a sleeperhold, but he’s shrugged off by Orton and both men go to the outside, with Orton flinging Ziggler into the security barrier. Orton sets Ziggler up on the security barrier and DDT’s him to the arena floor, as both men enter the ring on an eight count. Orton can’t get a win as Ziggler gets a boot to the rope, and then tries to roll up Orton as he goes for the RKO. Ziggler tries to get another line of offence rolling, but runs straight into Orton who lifts Ziggler up and lands an definitive RKO which Orton manages to convert, scoring the win.
WINNER BY PINFALL: RANDY ORTON

Ooh, we even get a sneak peek of the new Dredd movie next – if you’ve not seen it yet, I imagine this is fairly useful.

WWE DIVA’S CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: EVE TORRES VS. LAYLA (CHAMPION)
Ooh, upset – Eve Torres wins this one. Did we really not see that coming? I *honestly* didn’t.
WINNER BY PINFALL: EVE TORRES (NEW CHAMPION)

We get more on the breast cancer charity that WWE is supporting tonight, before Daniel Bryan stomps around telling everyone HE IS THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! But wait, here comes Kane and their anger management therapist, before AJ Lee comes along screaming at them to both stop. AJ tells them she’s forked out a right pretty penny to get the doctor bloke in, and now Kane and Daniel are still at each other’s throats. In perhaps the comedy moment of 2012 so far, Kane drenches Bryan, the doctor and AJ with a bucket of water, then bizarrely shouts ‘I’M GOING TO DISNEYLAND!!!’ and storms off. Absolutely incredible. Back at ringside, JBL is speechless – I really don’t think he liked that segment.

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: ALBERTO DEL RIO (W/ RICARDO RODRIGUEZ & DAVID OTUNGA) VS. SHEAMUS (CHAMPION)
Remember kids – the Brogue Kick is banned for tonight’s match, or Sheamus is going home (Irish accent) “widdout de toitle!” – sorry, that was an absolutely atrocious attempt at an Irish accent in print. I apologise. Anyway, we get a highlights package all about how (one of) Sheamus’ finishers is outlawed. It’s not like he doesn’t have that White Noise thing he can use instead, is it? Ooh, after the introductions are made though, we get Booker T coming out to say a few words. Is he going to reinstate the Brogue Kick? Well, he’s concluded his investigations into how dangerous a move it is – Booker tells us that while the move is devastating, Del Rio and everyone else did sign up for whatever risks that come with the wrestling. With that in mind, he reinstates the Brogue Kick, and Sheamus charges at Del Rio, nailing Otunga with it who was dragged up onto the ring apron by Del Rio! Distraught, Del Rio tries to maintain some momentum, but then escapes the ring and catches his breath on the outside. Sheamus takes the upper hand when the action returns to the ring, but Del Rio is a long way from finished yet, even if he is sent out of the ring again by the Irishman. Sheamus tries to go top rope, but Del Rio catches him and lands some blows before driving the champion’s head into the top turnbuckle. Sheamus is sent from the top and driven into the Spanish announcer’s table for his troubles, taking the top of it off. Del Rio goes for a cover that was never going to work, and seems to have woken the inner Incredible Hulk in Sheamus, who batters him with some vicious shots. Del Rio again establishes the advantage, stretching Sheamus’ arm against the ring post and smashing it into the post a second time. Another cover follows a double axe handle from Del Rio, but no win. Del Rio gets caught on the top rope, but reverses the advancing Sheamus into a cross armbreaker while suspended on the ropes, which Del Rio is careful to break before the referee’s five count. Del Rio tries another move off the top, but Sheamus counters and both men are now down on the mat. Sheamus is clattering Del Rio right now, landing a big knee lift and slamming Del Rio down with gusto. Sheamus tries to trap Del Rio in the ring ropes, but both men end up slamming each other into the turnbuckles. Sheamus then manages to secure Del Rio and batters his chest raw with heavy forearms. Del Rio reverses Sheamus’ attempt at his White Noise finisher and lands a knee drop to the back, before trying for the Cross Armbreaker. He can’t hit it though, and Sheamus psyches himself up to put Del Rio away with the newly instated Brogue Kick. Del Rio avoids it and lands a nice kick to the back of the head, but can’t get the win. Del Rio goads Sheamus, clutching his face, but Sheamus fights back, before reversing the Cross Armbreaker. Both men scrap themselves into a corner, with neither landing their finishers. Sheamus is sent over the top rope, getting his arm tangled up in the process, allowing Del Rio the chance to land some fortunate kicks before the referee counts him out. The referee gets in Del Rio’s face, giving him a stern talking to, before Del Rio butters up Sheamus’ arm and slaps on the Cross Armbreaker in the middle of the ring. Sheamus rolls him over, and in a great feat of strength, picks Del Rio up and dumps him to break the hold. Sheamus is back to his feet first, and signals again for the Brogue Kick. Again Del Rio avoids it and again the Cross Armbreaker is applied! Rather than tap out, Sheamus drags himself to the ropes and Del Rio is forced to break. Del Rio is incensed that the Irishman hasn’t submitted yet, and misses a high dive to the corner where Sheamus is resting. Coming off the ropes, Sheamus emphatically delivers a Brogue Kick and pins Del Rio to retain the championship!
WINNER BY PINFALL: SHEAMUS (TITLE RETAINED)

Well for once we get a main event that is actually a WWE championship match – saying that, it is a match Cena is involved in, so that’s probably why. If Cena wasn’t in this match, the WWE championship bout would probably have been buried about halfway down the card while Cena had a main event match with someone like Tyson Kidd or something.

WWE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: JOHN CENA VS. CM PUNK (CHAMPION) (W/ PAUL HEYMAN)
Ooh crikey, it’s Paul Heyman! He’s here (presumably because “his client” Brock Lesnar is washing his hair) to witness history and see CM Punk kick Cena’s ass. We’re still not sure what Heyman is doing for Punk, perhaps he makes his lunch. Saying that, I’m not sure what Heyman does for Lesnar – maybe he’s his home help, comes and makes sure his heating is on, cleans him up and all that. I’m sure we’ll find out soon. Quite a turnaround as it’s now CM Punk getting a fair share of boos in the introductions, whereas Cena gets a fairly big pop – it is a home crowd, though. Punk milks the applause before the match begins, displaying his title belt for about ten minutes before he decides to give it up to the referee. Fairly cagey start from both men, with some technical moves forming most of the offence. Punk gets lifted with a back drop, but avoids further offence from Cena by moving out of his way and seeing him collide with the ring-post. Punk stuns the challenger with some knees to the head, and gestures to the crowd on the top rope, but doesn’t see Cena coming from behind him – he still manages to reverse his advances into a DDT for a two-count however. Cena is looking quite worn out, and rolls to the outside to try and compose himself. Punk looks pretty done in as well, but seems to have more left than the challenger right now. Punk levels Cena with a missile like dive through the ropes, and takes some time out to laugh at some fans who are obviously supporting Cena. Cena comes back himself with a baseball slide, and throws Punk over into the crowd, before suplexing him back over the security barrier. Punk is hoisted up for the Attitude Adjustment, but Punk reverses and scurries out of the move. Punk traps Cena with a chinlock, but Cena gets to his feet with Punk on his back. Punk elbows Cena back down, before landing some considered punches to ground him once more for a two-count. Punk is up on the top rope, and waits for Cena to get to his feet, before nailing him with a double axe handle. Cena fires up and tries to land his spinning back drop, but Punk reverses into a body splash for a quick pin. A breathtaking series of moves sees Cena get a near-fall as well, as Cena then signals for the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Punk reverses this too, and then hits a nice spinning kick and neckbreaker for another close fall. Punk tries another cross body off the ropes, but Cena rolls through and picks Punk up, who goes over the top rope to the outside. Cena follows this up with a dive through the ropes to take the champion out and then dump him back in the ring. Again Punk reverses the Five Knuckle Shuffle into the Anaconda Vice, which I’ve never seen before. Cena tries to power out, rolling Punk over and applying the STF on Punk! Punk reverses this eventually and goes back into the STF, but Cena isn’t tapping. Cena finally battles out, but both men are looking quite spent. They exchange blows, Punk landing a roundhouse kick and setting Cena up for the knee lift in the turnbuckle. Punk again goes up top and hits a top-rope elbow drop, which Cena kicks out of. Punk sets up for the Go To Sleep, and sort of hits it, but Cena again reverses into the STF – however, Punk is able to reach the ring ropes and break up the move. Punk lands the Go To Sleep, but despite hitting his finisher, can’t get the win. In frustration, Punk lands some kicks to the prone Cena, before grounding him with a clothesline. Punk slaps Cena, before trying for the Go To Sleep. Both men can’t land either of their moves, but eventually Cena does hit it on Punk, only to see him kick out at the very last second. Heyman is astounded, but delighted his client is still in it. Punk rolls out the ring, leaving a dazed Cena in the ring. Cena climbs the turnbuckle and goes for the legdrop, but misses, leaving Punk to deliver a kick to the back of the head and see a two-count from the referee. Punk hits a big knee lift, and now seems to be getting a bit desperate in doing anything to put the challenger down. Once more he goes up top, and tries a moonsault (for some reason) which he rather spectacularly messes up and misses. Both men down, and the referee is starting to count. Cena hauls Punk up for the Attitude Adjustment, but Punk reverses into the Go To Sleep which STILL won’t put Cena away! Punk is now gesturing for Cena to get to his feet, and nails Cena with a Rock Bottom, which he seems convinced would get him the win, but once more Cena kicks out. Punk is now horrified and as he turns around Cena delivers a huge Attitude Adjustment, which Punk kind of uses his own momentum to kick out of. Cena drags Punk to his feet, and is then hoisted onto the turnbuckles. Cena climbs up after him, trying for a top rope backdrop, but Punk knocks him off. Cena tries a second time and lands a massive top rope German Suplex on Punk, which gets him the win!! Cena is celebrating, but the referee seems to be wanting him off the turnbuckle – he takes the belt back off Cena, and awards it back to Punk. We’re told by the ring announcer that when Cena pinned Punk, both men’s shoulders were on the mat, and the match has ended as a draw! Cena is furious, and is giving the referee what for, whereas Punk is smirking and then floors Cena by driving the title belt into his head.
MATCH RESULT: DRAW (TITLE RETAINED)

Well, that sets the scene for Hell in a Cell next month – can Cena and Punk top that match? Will Dolph Ziggler ever cash in his Money in the Bank briefcase? Will Booker T decide to ban any more finishing moves? (Perhaps he’ll ban the use of headlocks as they get people all hot and sweaty?) We’ll find out then, so until next time, see you later.