Raw Poopys On Itself With Horrible Ending
After a solid show that carried on their new “I actually like Raw again” initiative WWE took a big fat steaming “poopy” on themselves with an unrealistic and frankly laughable ending that slapped the face of any wrestling fan over the age of 10 years old.
As the show came to a close JBL sprinted (which he should be doing every morning at 6am to get rid of his man boobs) out of the arena and John Cena gave chase. What happened next was the single handedly most out of context and illogical segment to a wrestling show since Hulk Hogan and Big Show fell off the roof of an arena after fighting in monster trucks on a WCW pay per view.
The supposed star actor of WWE films John Cena walked out of the fire exit as if he’d poopied (sorry for repeating that word) his pants whilst multiple camera shots (I suppose they all just happened to filming an interesting bird out in the parking lot), shot his timid approach towards the main camera, when out of nowhere (I guess the 5 cameramen didn’t see him) JBL came and knocked him out with a wrench, dragged him up against a car and proceeded to commit attempted murder on John Cena by driving another vehicle in to him.
I’m sorry you fucking film school, hollywood writing dropouts but this is a wrestling show, go shove your lame ass ideas that got rejected by CSI up your ass! What the hell was that? As a wrestling show it was weak, as a movie it was weak and as TV drama it was weak. Put it together and you have POOPY!
Firstly from a storyline standpoint it was purely over the top and unrealistic. Yes this is wrestling and yes heated feuds lead to violent matches, but is anyone supposed to really believe that JBL, an extremely clever man that appears on Fox News talking about the economy actually wanted to kill John Cena? And was dumb enough to do it on global TV? All that really happened here was that John Cena wrote poopy on the side of his limo. Now maybe he wants to humble him in the ring, beat him up a bit in the parking lot, but murder him? Next time my mum tells me to tidy my room I’ll take her to a crowded restaurant, knock her out in front of everyone with the stale bread, drag her to the parking lot with 5 news crews and run over her. Get my point?
Next is WWE’s strange narrative context and camera angles. Wrestling is portrayed as a large sporting event where live action is filmed in and around the ring and occasionally backstage for promos. Sometimes WWE conveniently has cameras filming private backstage conversations or segments. We can suspend our disbelief just enough to let that slide. But how can you explain a supposed freak murder attempt being filmed by multiple cameras out in the parking lot? It doesn’t make any sense. It goes back to WWE’s holier than wrestling mentality. STOP TRYING TO BE A MOVIE, this is WRESTLING. Or at least be consistent and do this every week, with credits for the actors at the end.
Now if there was one hand-held camera man chasing behind Cena, and when JBL attacked him the cameraman yelled “no JBL stop it, we need help out here” then it would still be incredibly outlandish, but would at least make sense in the context of a wrestling show. TNA are actually great at this type of thing, at least they have Jeremy Borash snooping around instead of magical cameras everywhere in the arena.
So WWE are trying to get across that since Vince nearly died and is at home resting, that nobody is in charge and “the inmates are running the asylum.” Ok although we can ignore the fact that a show that takes hundreds of employees to run smoothly still ends up being aired and matches go ahead like normal despite there being nobody in charge, having JBL think its fine to run somebody over is a little to far to stretch the imagination. What, as soon as Vince leaves wrestlers are allowed to break the law?
Which leads me to jump the gun a little here. The only way this is going to redeem itself in the slightest is if on next week’s show we learn that JBL has been arrested, the federal government have launched an investigation on how this could have happened on live TV and WWE is canceled for re-runs for the next 5 months. But even that will take TV time away from everything that has become so good just recently, such as CM Punk as Champion and the several new stars that have been given a chance.
I think as a 10 year old this is the kind of thing that might have got some discussion going in the playground, but what kind of business strategy is it to alienate 80% of your target market?
Right about now I’d be happy if WWE promoted Michael Hayes to head of all the creative teams, at least he is old school and understands that wrestling is primarily about what happens in the ring.
Please WWE take these sidebar college kid movie projects and swap it for wrestling, or at least change your name to World Wrestling Poopy-Entertainment, because as far as entertainment stands, it is pretty damn shit!
