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This is Joseph again from Alabama bringing you another Monday Night Diary.

Monday Night Raw starts with a black hearst and the Undertaker music in the background. Then the opening music starts. I think this Raw will finish off some of the major storylines leading up to Wrestlemania. I am a little afraid we may have hit the peak on some of the storylines though but we will see how tonight goes.

It is Wrestlemania week and Raw is Live from Dallas, Texas. Did you know that Dallas has the world’s largest bronze monument in the world. How exciting right? Eh

The first match tonight is a 18 diva tag team match. There are soo many females in the ring and this match was soo short that Ill just name my top 5 hottest divas in the match.

1.Kelly Kelly 2. Maryse 3.The Bella Twins 4.Maria 5.Mickie James… did I get the order right?

I haven’t seen this many hot woman together since this one time I dressed up as a chick to a sorority party.

The match ends literally 3 minutes into it on a simple roll up by Tiffany of ECW. All of a sudden Santino Marella music starts and he comes out saying he still wasn’t allowed into the women’s battle royal. He then goes on saying how he is sexier than all the woman and he was going to show off his “Mankini” which all of sudden makes me gag. He then removes his robe and struts around in a skimpy outfit that shouldn’t be worn. Beth(who is weirdly cute) finally gets in his face then all the divas attack him and kick him out of the ring. Normally Santino’s skits are pretty funny but this whole segment boarded on lame. I haven’t been this bored since the last women’s match. Zing!

After the match, they show a promo on the Orton/HHH storyline. The storyline has been intense and Orton has been amazing. I don’t know if how well you “entertain” leading up the matches has any affect on who wins, but if so then Orton deserves the victory.

Commercial time

One of the commercials is the Gillette Fusion commercial starring John Cena and Vince McMahon. I like Cena but I think he’s slowly becoming The Rock 2. He is doing the movies and leaning towards the entertainment side instead of being the wrestler. I only mention it because he tends to knock Dwayne Johnson every opportunity he gets. Keelan (owner of this great site) mentioned this week that Cena could be leaving in the summer to work on a new movie. (read the article from few days ago).

Raw is back on and standing in the ring is The King, Jerry Lawler. He is waiting in the ring as Jericho’s music starts up. I love Jericho’s music especially with the old countdown. The match starts with some shoving then Jerry Lawler gets some shots in before a cheap shot by Jericho. Jericho takes advantage and gets in a clothesline and some kicks. Jericho hits Lawler with some vicious punches. These punches look like real solid shots. Lawler gets fired up and takes back over hitting Jericho with some shots of his own. He gives Jericho a small opening as he takes a quick breather and Jericho capitalizes and grabs Lawlers legs and puts him into the walls of Jericho and Lawler quickly submits. The match last a few minutes and was an okay match. The crowd was into it at the beginning then loses focus as the match goes on. After the match, Jericho berates Lawler until the King hits Jericho in the mouth knocking him out of the ring. Jericho grabs a mic and talks about how he will annihilate the legends and Mickey Rourke at Wrestlemania the same way he annihilated Flair last week. Hopefully he does it this time without the pool of blood.

Raw is back and its time for a quick interview with John Cena. Before the questioning starts, Edge appears and says Cena has 0 chance of winning. He then says how Big Show knocked out Cena and has knocked out Edge. He says the two should join forces and concentrate on the Big Show, but Cena says he would rather lose on his own than work with Edge.

They go back to the Hearst that was waiting outside and the workers are taking out the casket and lo and behold its Shawn Michaels in it. Crowd pop! Shawn says something but apparently the mic wasn’t working so they cut to a lead singer of pussycat dolls promo and then come back. This time we hear that Shawn said, “were you expecting someone else”. Ohhh now I hear. I originally thought that Shawn was just mouthing nothings like he does when he wrestles and he poses for his pyros and he always says something to himself right before the pyro shoots. Has anyone else noticed this and/or knows what he is saying? I bet he changes it up everytime and says the most random things.

Jerry Lawler returns in his wrestling attire which hasn’t changed in the last 30 years.

Rey Mysterio’s music comes on and the crowd goes nuts. He will be facing JBL in a title match. JBL leads the beginning of the match, even blocking a 619 with a hard shoulder shove. Mysterio goes in the air to try and knock JBL down but JBL catches him in mid-air and throws him down hard with a fallaway slam. Mysterio goes to the floor and JBl bring him back in the ring. He puts Mysterio in the corner and mashes him with repeated fists. Mysterio finally comes alive and makes JBL miss a big kick and then hits him with a enzuigiri (bet you didn’t think I could spell it). JBL staggers into the ropes and Mysterio hits the 619 and then the splash to win the Intercontinental Title. This title use to be a very prestigious title but it has def lost its importance. Didn’t the Int. Cont Champion use to be the #1 contender to the World title? Or was that just back when Ultimate Warrior was Int Cont Champ and faces Hogan at Wrestlemania.

Wrestlemania 11 flashback, which had Lawrence Taylor vs Bam Bam Bigelow (who had the tattoo that totally doesn’t fit me). I totally forgot about that match until that flashback.

John Cena’s music starts, huge pop! My wife’s heartbeat just started getting faster. I don’t think she’s been this excited since we were college freshman in the back of my car. Good memories.

Um.. back to the match

It’s the Big Show. Does anyone remember when The Big Show was in WCW and they tried to portray him as Andre’s son. That was several years ago. The match starts and the Big Show quickly throws down cena and hits him with some big right hands and chops. They say The Big Show weighs 485pds, Geez id hate to be his wife at night. Show is manhandling Cena when Cena goes for a shoulder block only to hit a brick wall and get knocked completely back down. Show pulls Cena into the corner goes for the Splash that Vader(remember him) use to do. He misses and Cena tries to take over but doesn’t succeed. They cut to a commercial and when we return Show is standing on Cena crushing his ribcage. Show looks unstoppable in this match. Show goes for the choke slam but somehow cena hits him with a ddt. He then goes for the STF but he cant put Show into it because Show is too long(thats what she said-the office) The big show then hits Cena with a choke slam and its over. Dominating performance by the Big Show. Edge comes out and Show and Edge look at each other. He then attacks Cena who is laying on the mat. After a little bit, the refs pull Edge away.

Commercial time again and I am not kidding when I say that the cena/mcmahon commercial has come on a 3rd time. I haven’t seen a clip over n over since that one scene with Denise Richards in Wild Things.

Back to Raw, and it’s the Undertakers music and everything is pitch blue but all of a sudden Shawn Michaels music starts. Did you know that Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker are the only 2 wrestlers active from the first ever Monday Night Raw.

Shawn has a casket in the ring and says the casket is for the Undertaker. He goes on saying there will be no retribution. The crowd has really fallen out of favor with Shawn. They are definitely more pro-Taker. BTW Wrestlemania is in the Undertakers hometown of Houston, Texas.

Shawn keeps going talking about how people will be talking about who will win each title and other matches but the moment they wont forget is how Shawn will beat the undertaker ending the streak. All of a sudden, the lights goes black and the Undertakes appears in the ring. Shawn has completely disappeared and the Undertaker destroys everything on stage then realizes the casket is closed. He starts to walk towards the casket and lifts it up but there is no shawn michaels in it. Undertakes turns back towards the crowd, when Michaels comes out of his hiding spot under the casket blanket and super kicks Taker in the mouth. He then Dx’s Taker multiple times which finally makes the crowd pop. Michaels berates the Undertaker some which he has been doing a lot lately. I think it makes him look like a punk personally but I do like him overall.

Commercial time.. $5 footlong.

Austin Promo showing highlights with music from Living Colour- cult of personality. I can not wait till his Hall of Fame induction.

Big 8 man Battle Royal between Kane, Christian, Koffi, MVP, Findlay, Mark Henry, CM Punk, and Shelton Benjamin. I love battle royals. The action is furious starting out when Mark henry throws Findlay out so Hornswoggle taunts at Henry who gets distracted. While he is distracted , all the wrestlers gang up and throw him out. MVP tries to suplex benjamin to the floor but only gets him to the outside with him. Kane then comes over and hits both guys to the floor eliminating them. Only 4 guys left, kane, Koffi,CM, and Christian. They all go after Kane but have a hard time getting him over. Finally CM throws out Koffi. Christian tries to throw CM out who barely hangs onto the ropes. While he is dangling, Christian is grabbed by kane who picks him up and throws him at CM knocking both guys out of the ring. Kane wins the Battle Royal!! Good match, I think kane is pretty underrated nowadays. I think he is very talented wrestler and just seems to always do a good job. I don’t think he wins the Money in the Bank though. I still think Christian will win but we will see.

It is now time for Randy Ortons Wrestlemania address. He goes on to say that he won the title at only 24 yrs old. They then show older footage of when HHH was congratulating orton and HHH and Batista turned against Orton. Then they show footage from this years royal rumble. Orton says he waited for revenge on HHH till he found something that HHH cared for more than then WWE title. So that is why he went after HHH’s family. Orton says he knew what he was doing the entire time and says he doesn’t really have IED. The next second he goes beserk and says the crowd doesn’t want to make him pissed off. Lol. Orton then says he spoke to Vickie Guerrero and convinced her that if HHH gets a DQ or brings the sledgehammer that he gets the title. They cut to a Limo arriving to the arena. Orton tells Dibiase and Rhodes to come to the ring w their security. The camera man goes to the limo but noone is in there. All of a sudden, Vince McMahons music comes on and he looks pissed. He takes his jacket and tie off. Then Shane McMahons music comes and Shane appears then HHH’s music comes on and HHH appears. Crowd is going nuts!! They start walking towards the ring only for the 6 security guards to try and stop them but they quickly punch them out. They walk again towards the ring the the Legacy goes to meet them and they all fight it out. Vince n Dibiase, Rhodes and Shane and HHH and Orton. HHH and Orton exchange punches when the show ends. The segment was excellent!! The only negative about this segment is that Shane and Vince aren’t exactly the best at punching etc. Ive seen better punching on Mikes Tyson Old Nintendo game.

The show as a whole was Okay. Not a lot of I am going to remember next week except the final scene. Mainly they just finalized all the matches for Wrestlemania. I am excited to see who wins especially since a lot don’t have clearcut winners.

Thanks guys for your time. BTW the jokes are suppose to be dorky.