Wrestling News & Wrestling Rumors

Written By Scarlett Harris: scarly2@yahoo.com

With speculation surrounding a tell-all Kurt Angle memoir and of Chris Jericho penning a second autobiography surfacing over the past couple of weeks, and Mick Foley sure to release another any day now, it got me thinking about the best wrestler “autobiographies” and legitimate memoirs out there.

First of all, there’s the king of wrestling tell-alls, the aforementioned Mrs. Foley’s baby boy. From children’s books to novels, Mick’s done it all. Not only is he the most entertaining wrestler to compose his own autobiographies, in my opinion, he’s one of the most entertaining writers I’ve ever read. Period.

As a co-authored memoir, I was expecting Chris Jericho’s effort to be a watered-down, ghost-written joke like so many other WWE bios - think The Rock, Triple H, Stone Cold, The Hardy Boys, Lita, Eric Bischoff, Batista… And those are just some of the ones I’ve read. I’m sure there are other monstrosities I’ve yet to get my hands on. To my utter delight, though, the Ayatollah of Rock ’n’ Rolla’s book was almost as good as Foley’s! Can’t wait for the next instalment!

But most importantly, Jericho’s new, as-yet-unwritten tome and a possible Angle expose inspired me to think up the top ten wrestler autobiographies NEVER written (to the best of my knowledge, at least), in ascending order of preference.

10. Linda McMahon - She’s so often played the woman scorned on WWE television, that a Linda bio would set the record straight on what it’s really like to be married to Vince McMahon. At least, that’s what we hope it would do.

9. Shane McMahon - As the second McMahon on the list, I envision his memoir to take the form of a business guide, something along the lines of JBL’s business advice book. Of course, it would be much more compelling if Shane went the other way, revealing what it’s like to put his non-wrestler’s body on the line in matches against the likes of The Big Show and Kurt Angle. The juiciest bit? What it’s like to come second best to daddy’s little girl, Stephanie, in a predominantly patriarchal company.

8. Trish Stratus - Now that she’s retired from in-ring action, the greatest women’s champion of this generation will have ample time on her hands to pen a legitimate account of her escapades in the WWE.

7. Mean Gene Okerlund - This guy’s like the lovable, slightly off-beat uncle you only get to see at family reunions and cousins’ weddings. To the best of my knowledge, Mean Gene is yet to release an autobiography, but a compilation of wrestling anecdotes from the good old days by one of the WWE’s longest (although his stint has been interrupted) employees would be a sure-fire hit and an extremely entertaining read.

6. Edge/Mick Foley/Chris Jericho (again) - These guys have all been responsible for the way their memoirs turned out, and it really shows in their writing. While I must admit I haven’t read Edge’s book yet (it’s being eagerly awaited on the top of a pile of books and magazines I have yet to get to), if it’s anything like Mick and Chris’s which I have spoken so highly of above, it will shoot straight to the top of my own personal bestseller list. (With al this hype that I’ve built around Adam Copeland on Edge, it better be worth it! I’ll let you know what I think when I get around to devouring it.) The bottom line is, if I never read anything else but Foley, Jericho and possibly Edge, I’ll die a happy woman.

5. Triple H - A serious Triple H autobiography - not one masquerading as a fitness guide. As arguable one of the greatest in-ring performers of all time as well as engaging and utterly hilarious on the mic, I’m sure there are a lot of readers out there - WWE fan or no - that would love to read about the controversy surrounding Triple H and his rise to stardom, from the horses mouth. Or horses hand, I suppose?

4. Stephanie McMahon - Love her or hate her, there’s no denying that Stephanie McMahon is one of the most compelling characters, both in and out of the spotlight, in the WWE. On one hand, she’s a loving wife and mother of two. On the other, she’s a heartless shrew who fires people on the spot and masterminded her husband’s rise to the top. Two things are for sure, though: said masterminding has made her and Triple H the biggest power couple in wrestling, and she has more balls than most men. A candid, unadulterated account of her life would be gold.

3. Vince McMahon - Without spoiling the result of this list, a Vince McMahon bio would be akin to that of the person in the No. 1 spot. It would sell like hotcakes.

2. The Undertaker - Quite frankly, I’m surprised WWE hasn’t released an Undertaker bio in the almost twenty years he’s been with the company. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad they haven’t because it will just make it that much sweeter when ’Taker finally brings out his own memoir, on his terms.

1. J.R. - If this book is ever released, it will be to the wrestling world what the recently released Barbara Walters’ Audition is to the media and journalism world. J.R. is seen as different things to different people. In some ways, he’s the conscience of the WWE. To most of us, he is, and always will be, the voice of Raw. I see him as more of a father/grandfather/guidance-providing uncle figure. Even though I’ve never met J.R., nor am I ever likely to, I feel like I’ve known him forever. In the eight years I’ve been listening to his voice on WWE programming , he’s become a fixture in my life. Hell, I’ve known him longer than I’ve known my dog! I’m sure I’m not alone in saying that a J.R. memoir would be the most highly anticipated wrestling book ever, and is bound to surpass the bestselling record of Mick Foley.

Agree or disagree with this list? Think someone should be removed or added? Let me know your thoughts on the subject at scarly2@yahoo.com.