And yes, I’m a fan of hyperbolic invective.

First, the good – MVP vs. Chris Jericho. Chris Jericho is just fantastic, isn’t he? He can carry anyone, wrestle anyone, can wrestle any style, pull of any move he needs to, has charisma to burn, is killer on the mic, and isn’t afraid to put someone over. Raw needs this guy. Bret Hart was his age in about 1994, maybe 1995, which I find an interesting comparison. Just ban knickers in wrestling, and I’m happy. Shame MVP is hugely overrated, slow, and useless. Second – who would have guessed?! Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix had a really quite reasonable match. An interesting thing I noticed was that Beth Phoenix did a shoulderbreaker that Mickie James sold for the whole of the rest of the match. It looked great, it had great psychology, and you don’t see that kind of thing very often these days – very unexpected but a pleasant surprise. The four way was good, but not great – some of the spots looked a little like less innovative, less smooth TNA X-Division spots. Kinda fun, though nobody shone. Also, I know there is hardly anyone on Raw, so it could just have been a coincidence, but I noticed this was a match with three heels, and one face – could we see a turn? If so, my money is on The Miz.

As for the apalling side of the show – the battle royal was just forlorn. When Gail Kim and Jillian Hall wrestled, their moves were just useless, they both looked like they wanted to give up and go home. This was cringeworthy. Given that this was a number one contenders match, and that the winner was competing for it that night, this had the feel of something they just stuck on there at the last minute to fill time because they had nothing else. So I actually felt sorry for them. Big Show vs. Mark Henry? This was just completely weird. Big Show lumbered around the ring like he might have a fatal heart attack and just die if he moved faster than a glacier, which might not be too far from the truth, looking at him.

He looks like a chicken nugget, infused with the spirit of a man who needs his stomach stapled.

He can barely do anything in the ring. Mark Henry kept it vaguely alive by being able to, well, move.

And the worst match so far – Hornswoggle vs. Chavo. Well, Todd Martin got in right when he said “I’m not wasting any more time on this utter shit.” One of the only matches ever where each and every move was botched. I don’t understand the naked contempt that WWE’s Raw staff seems to feel for its fans, but it will totally alienate everyone with a nervous system.

And I even like Hornswoggle! Evan Bourne, who is awesome, must be wondering why he’s even been signed – he must be hoping the currently pretty great Ring Of Honor is still there when he does a Brian Kendrick, and can go back. Bryan Danielson must have no idea what to think, as a former ROH wrestler – world champion on Smackdown, or worse than jobber on Raw?

Since Dusty was a replacement for a celebrity who pulled out, it’s no wonder this Raw was a shambles that felt like it was being written on the fly. Even Dusty sounded like he just wanted to be anywhere else. Even the commentary was brain-liquefyingly hideous. It is the worst commentary team in the history of wrestling. Bring back Mike Adamle!! At least he was subversive and funny. The less said about the “main event” the better. I mean come on, I did actually wanted to see that match! Remember what I said about contempt for the fans? Hilariously, this was also the show where they decided to plug the WCW dvd, by pointing out some of the more embarrassing moments in WCW history. They did this on Raw, which has lately featured some ludicrously awful moments. Vince could do with watching that dvd, he dosn’t seem too far off booking his own fingerpoke of doom, or Shockmaster.

But, atlast, Raw wasn’t a complete waste. There were a couple of good matches to watch. Off the top of my head: Jericho vs MVP, and surprisingly, James vs Phoenix. The four for the US strap was pretty interesting. Don’t know what they’re going to do with Miz, aka the Failed Experiment. He’s just a waste of roster space and television time. Why not put him on ECW and stick Morrison on Raw. Give him a US title run? But, then again, since Mysterio is being suspended. They’ll probably put him in the Intercontinental title picture. Doesn’t matter to me as long as they do something with Morrison.

And no matter how much I complain, not that my voice is heard anyway, they still keep booking Chavo vs Hornswoggle. So, while they keep booking this crap, I’ll just keep turning the channel.

either chavo has no self respect or idk. but i would have quit after the first match with that lepricon.