August 31, 2009, WWE Raw Results
Dusty Rhodes came out to start the show. He noted that he was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame in Detroit and put over the city. Dusty added that he is proud of his son Cody Rhodes. He announced Cody vs. Randy Orton for the title on Raw with Dusty in Cody’s corner and John Cena as referee. That brought out Orton, who said that Dusty is jealous Cody looks up to Orton more than he ever did to Dusty. Orton said Dusty was just shamelessly trying to gain Cody’s love.
Dusty responded that Cody is hungrier than Orton and that he will be there to raise Cody’s hand. Orton asked Dusty why he shouldn’t just have punted Dusty right there. Cody Rhodes came out and said that Dusty is his father and he won’t pass up the opportunity for the title shot. He said that this was strictly business. Orton said that the fix was in, and Dusty admitted as much.
Dusty was good here, but I was expecting him to be more fun. He was actually on the reserved side by Dusty Rhodes standards. No “bull of the woods,” “fruit of my loins,” “mothership,” “funky like a monkey,” “in pulic if you weel,” or anything. He sounded basically like everyone else on the show. That’s yet another argument for giving guys bullet points so they can define their own speaking style rather than having mediocre writers scripting out every word.
Beth Phoenix won a bad 6 woman battle royal to earn a title shot later in the show. Beth Phoenix eliminated Rosa Mendes. Gail Kim dumped Alicia Fox. Beth sent out Kelly Kelly. Jillian Hall and Gail Kim then fought for a while. It was quite bad. They blew a bunch of spots and the crowd turned on the match. Gail finally threw out Jillian, but Beth then immediately dumped Gail for the win.
Chris Jericho beat MVP in a very good match. Jericho hit a back suplex. MVP came back with punches and an overhead belly to belly. He blocked a Walls attempt and hit the yakuza kick for two. Jericho retaliated with a springboard dropkick and bulldog, but MVP regained control with balling. MVP’s playmaker attempt was reversed into a Walls attempt which was reversed into a small package for two. Jericho then hit the code breaker for the pin. Jericho and MVP worked very well together.
Dusty Rhodes and DX were hanging out backstage, plugging the Rise and Fall of WCW DVD. HHH said Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase are disgraces to their fathers’ legacies. Dusty said that when Cody won, he would give HHH or Shawn a title shot.
Hornswoggle beat Chavo Guerrero in a “bullrope match” not actually contested under bullrope match rules. I’m not wasting any more time on this utter shit.
Mark Henry beat Big Show via DQ. This was a bad match, a flashback to 80s WWF with Henry putting Show in a long headlock where the two big guys just stood there. Show hit a spear and Henry hit a splash. Show then undid the turnbuckle and sent Henry into it for the DQ. Show then laid him out with the KO punch. Not that it matters, but they certainly haven’t done a great job making you think Henry and MVP have a prayer against Show and Jericho.
DX and Dusty Rhodes did another backstage vignette. They talked about the Kevin Nash-Hulk Hogan one finger push. HHH said if they were in WCW they wouldn’t have let Nash do that. They argued WWF vs. WCW with Dusty. Dusty pointed out WCW beat WWF when Shawn Michaels was on top and WWF rose up when Michaels left. As Shawn threw a temper tantrum, HHH started making fun of the Johnny B. Badd gimmick. Dusty noted that was his idea.
Kofi Kingston beat Carlito, Jack Swagger and the Miz to retain the Intercontinental Title. This is old news, but boy did they bury Miz again here. He announces his big goal is to win the United States Title. It takes him only two weeks before he already has his shot, along with two other guys who weren’t even on last week’s show and haven’t expressed much of an interest in the title. So the guy’s big career turnaround is going to be winning a title that you can get a shot at in no time at all without accomplishing anything in particular. And then he fails anyway. He’s like a pitcher who announces his big goal for the next season is to keep his ERA under five, and then he gets cut in May with a 12.83 ERA.
In spite of that, this was a fun match. Kofi hit an impressive plancha on all of the heels. He used a frog crossbody off the top onto Carlito and Miz. Swagger hit a series of clotheslines and a Vader bomb on Carlito. He went for one on Miz but hit the knees. Kofi hit a high double leg drop on both Swagger and Carlito. Miz gave Swagger the skull crushing finale but Carlito broke up the pin. Carlito then hit the back stabber on Miz but Kofi hit trouble in paradise for the win.
Mickie James beat Beth Phoenix in a good match by WWE women’s standards. Beth hit a slam into the corner and dropkicked Mickie into the post. She followed with a shoulder breaker. Mickie hit low dropkicks and a huracanrana. Mickie went to the top but Beth pushed her off to the floor and threw her into the barricade. Mickie then hit the tornado DDT for the pin.
HHH and DX were backstage again. HHH made fun of the Shockmaster, at which point the Shockmaster voice came on in the background. Fire went off and Santino stumbled through the wall in the Shockmaster helmet. It was revealed Arn Anderson was doing the voice, and Dusty said the idea could have worked. Only a very small percentage of the audience could have possibly understood this, but I don’t care. I found this laugh-out-loud hilarious and absolutely loved the segment.
John Cena backstage said that he wouldn’t give Cody Rhodes the title and that Rhodes would have to earn it himself. He did a good promo where he repeatedly stated that he would not quit against Randy Orton. It would have been really strong if he hadn’t started with the cutesy crap that makes it clear the whole thing is a joke and not serious business. They announced Bob Barker as guest host of Raw next week. I won’t lie. I love the idea. I hope it turns out well.
The main event wasn’t a match. John Cena, Cody Rhodes, Dusty Rhodes and Randy Orton came out. Dusty reiterated that there isn’t anything he wouldn’t do for his son, and apologized to Cena. Cody and Orton then attacked Cena two on one. DiBiase came out and joined them, and then DX tried to make the save. Dusty cut them off with his boot and they beat down the faces. Then Orton gave Dusty the RKO as a livid Cody looked on.
I like a good swerve but this felt like a Vince Russo swerve for the sake of a swerve. I mean, what kind of pointless plan was this? Dusty sets up a diabolical plan that involves two hours of deception. The big payoff? A two-on-one attack that occurs basically every week. Why not just book a three-on-one handicap match if you want to help your son? Or book the whole thing to be in a cage so nobody could make the save? He lied for two hours to accomplish basically nothing when he could have accomplished his own stated goal better by just being upfront from the beginning.
Final Thoughts:
This show was a mixed bag, which by recent Raw standards is a positive. I liked the Jericho-MVP match a lot and there were some other good matches as well. The DX comedy was pretty funny in general and the Shockmaster vignette was hilarious. Of course, you also had a number of matches that were quite bad, and I thought the main storyline was rather silly.
Todd Martin
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toddwmartin.blogspot.com
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i wonder why they just release chavo and hornswoggle or put em to ecw (at least chavo). this hornswoggle vs chavo crap is just more than annoying…
either chavo has no self respect or idk. but i would have quit after the first match with that lepricon.
Well, at least better than last couple of Raws…
if chavo have some respect for himself he must release himself from WWE
Is it me, or is Raw becoming a parody of itself? Maybe Raw should be where Smackdown is and vice versa. Seeing as how Smackdown is now the more superior brand. Man, I wish TNA became relevant in terms of quality, then that would force WWE into putting on GOOD programs just to compete. This is what happens when a product becomes complacent with itself. If you have no REAL competition you become stuck in mediocrity.Competition forces the other to become better in fear of failure. Until then, we’ll continue to have this crap every week.
But, atlast, Raw wasn’t a complete waste. There were a couple of good matches to watch. Off the top of my head: Jericho vs MVP, and surprisingly, James vs Phoenix. The four for the US strap was pretty interesting. Don’t know what they’re going to do with Miz, aka the Failed Experiment. He’s just a waste of roster space and television time. Why not put him on ECW and stick Morrison on Raw. Give him a US title run? But, then again, since Mysterio is being suspended. They’ll probably put him in the Intercontinental title picture. Doesn’t matter to me as long as they do something with Morrison.
And no matter how much I complain, not that my voice is heard anyway, they still keep booking Chavo vs Hornswoggle. So, while they keep booking this crap, I’ll just keep turning the channel.
This was one of those Raws – when it was good, it wasn’t too bad at all really, but when it was bad, it was face-meltingly horrible, a complete and utter embarrassment, an avalanche of stupidity.
And yes, I’m a fan of hyperbolic invective.
First, the good – MVP vs. Chris Jericho. Chris Jericho is just fantastic, isn’t he? He can carry anyone, wrestle anyone, can wrestle any style, pull of any move he needs to, has charisma to burn, is killer on the mic, and isn’t afraid to put someone over. Raw needs this guy. Bret Hart was his age in about 1994, maybe 1995, which I find an interesting comparison. Just ban knickers in wrestling, and I’m happy. Shame MVP is hugely overrated, slow, and useless. Second – who would have guessed?! Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix had a really quite reasonable match. An interesting thing I noticed was that Beth Phoenix did a shoulderbreaker that Mickie James sold for the whole of the rest of the match. It looked great, it had great psychology, and you don’t see that kind of thing very often these days – very unexpected but a pleasant surprise. The four way was good, but not great – some of the spots looked a little like less innovative, less smooth TNA X-Division spots. Kinda fun, though nobody shone. Also, I know there is hardly anyone on Raw, so it could just have been a coincidence, but I noticed this was a match with three heels, and one face – could we see a turn? If so, my money is on The Miz.
As for the apalling side of the show – the battle royal was just forlorn. When Gail Kim and Jillian Hall wrestled, their moves were just useless, they both looked like they wanted to give up and go home. This was cringeworthy. Given that this was a number one contenders match, and that the winner was competing for it that night, this had the feel of something they just stuck on there at the last minute to fill time because they had nothing else. So I actually felt sorry for them. Big Show vs. Mark Henry? This was just completely weird. Big Show lumbered around the ring like he might have a fatal heart attack and just die if he moved faster than a glacier, which might not be too far from the truth, looking at him.
He looks like a chicken nugget, infused with the spirit of a man who needs his stomach stapled.
He can barely do anything in the ring. Mark Henry kept it vaguely alive by being able to, well, move.
And the worst match so far – Hornswoggle vs. Chavo. Well, Todd Martin got in right when he said “I’m not wasting any more time on this utter shit.” One of the only matches ever where each and every move was botched. I don’t understand the naked contempt that WWE’s Raw staff seems to feel for its fans, but it will totally alienate everyone with a nervous system.
And I even like Hornswoggle! Evan Bourne, who is awesome, must be wondering why he’s even been signed – he must be hoping the currently pretty great Ring Of Honor is still there when he does a Brian Kendrick, and can go back. Bryan Danielson must have no idea what to think, as a former ROH wrestler – world champion on Smackdown, or worse than jobber on Raw?
Since Dusty was a replacement for a celebrity who pulled out, it’s no wonder this Raw was a shambles that felt like it was being written on the fly. Even Dusty sounded like he just wanted to be anywhere else. Even the commentary was brain-liquefyingly hideous. It is the worst commentary team in the history of wrestling. Bring back Mike Adamle!! At least he was subversive and funny. The less said about the “main event” the better. I mean come on, I did actually wanted to see that match! Remember what I said about contempt for the fans? Hilariously, this was also the show where they decided to plug the WCW dvd, by pointing out some of the more embarrassing moments in WCW history. They did this on Raw, which has lately featured some ludicrously awful moments. Vince could do with watching that dvd, he dosn’t seem too far off booking his own fingerpoke of doom, or Shockmaster.
How many times do we need to see cena vs orton are chavo and hornswoggle go at it? Damn its the same shit now with wwe.
Wow. I just read that Morrison beat Mysterio on SD this week and won the IC belt. Congrads are to be sent to Morrison. Here’s hoping this is just the beginning of a bigger push that sends you to a possible Heavyweight Title run, and doesn’t get you stuck in mid-card purgatory.
See you guys with Morrison. Beleive it or not I think there doing the right thing with Morrison. Case and Point; John Cena! Everyone wanted him to jump strait up to the World Title picture and look what happen. Everyone hates him for it. Let him take some time to get to the World Title. It will make his run just that much better.
If you ask me, they have missed a GREAT opportunity to bring Dusty Rhodes in as manager for Legacy. We need a good “manager” storyline and they could have done numerous angles.
A question for all: Would you honestly miss women’s wrestling if they never had another match? I am sick of them not knowing what to do with the ladies division so they throw them all in the ring at the same time. Boo! hiss!
Thanks for the update….my kids eat like Bugs Bunny so will make sure the carrots are all organic now!